While I attempt to formulate my New Year’s resolutions, here are the five life lessons I divined by carefully studying the Die Hard franchise…

1. RELATIONSHIPS ARE HARD

”Come out to the coast, we’ll get together, have a few laughs…”

What did John McClane get for his wife in 1988? He saved her from a gang of heavily armed international terrorists. Being asked to attend your spouse’s work Christmas do is an onerous task at the best of times. Having to deal with Alan Rickman at his most diabolical takes it up a notch.

Two years later and once again McClane gave his wife a Christmas gift that money can’t buy. Certainly a bottle of Chanel No.5 or a weekend mini-break to Brussels is more conventional but taking down a gang of mercenaries and ensuring your wife’s plane lands rather than crashing in a horrific fireball should be worth something. A pair of particularly nice socks at least.

Yet by 1996 when McClane found himself once again saving the day, he was reduced to pleading with his wife via pay phone. If John McClane, kicker-of-arses, killer-of-fighter-planes and Dirty Vest Wearer Of The Year fifteen years running, can not sustain a fulfilling relationship what hope is there for the rest of us?

She says he left the toilet seat up and was reticent about doing the dishes. He mentions that time he saved her from certain death. Women, I know what you’re about to say: it’s no excuse for forgetting the bleach.

2. A VEST IS A WARDROBE ESSENTIAL 

”A hundred million terrorists in the world and I’ve got to kill one with feet smaller than my sister.”

TopMan sells items for men in colours described variously as “mink”, “biscotti”, “apple butter” and “mustard kelp”. Modern men find themselves in a baffling sartorial landscape. But John McClane is unbothered by its complications because he has a fundamental rule: a vest is the centrepiece of a discerning hero’s capsule wardrobe.

It’s worth noting that John goes for a classic white vest rather than the less popular Rab C Nesbitt style. In fact, he is so able to rock a vest that he often does without shoes, turning himself into the Sandie Shaw of serious badassery. That isn’t to say he’s adverse to accessorising. A machine gun can add real pizzaz to an ensemble while a mix of engine oil, smoke and goon’s blood gives any outfit a unique personal twist.

3. YOUR EFFORTS CAN GO UNREWARDED

”Sister Teresa called me Mr McClane in the third grade. My friends call me John…you’re neither shithead.”

For some reason, offing bad guys and causing multi-million dollar clean up bills did not result in a stellar career progression for John McClane. By the time Live Free or Die Hard – stupidly retitled Die Hard 4.0 everywhere but America – rolled around, he was still schlubbing about as a beat cop, harassing his daughter’s boyfriends and assigned to take the irritating one from the Mac VS. PC ads on a road trip.

In a just world, John McClane would be Andy McNab without the silliness with silhouettes, selling shedloads of books about his exploits and installed as every 24-hour news channel’s go-to-guy when a jerk with an accent decides to take hostages/blow something up/make a villainous quip. Instead, a decade on from nailing yet another Gruber, it was again down to him to stop the total collapse of society.

In many respects emulating McClane’s ‘maverick’ tendencies has stalled my own career. However, unlike John McClane, I look like a series of carefully arranged pipe cleaners when I wear a vest and have never foiled a terrorist plot. I mean, I did once persuade a lad that used to bully me at school not to nick a sweater from Next but I don’t like to boast.

4. BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE 

”How can the same thing happen to the same guy twice?”

Some things, say feeling sick after eating an entire packet of fig rolls or dropping your iPhone in the toilet, can happen repeatedly but are unquestionably your own fault. Others, like accidentally stumbling onto the evil schemes of mad men are just a matter of inconvenient fate, the same as being caught by a chugger who wears you down with stories of depressed three-legged dogs or having to make small talk with the boring guy from work when you bump into him in Tesco’s. FYI: I’m not talking about you, Ian.

John McClane teaches us that life is a total bastard populated by shits who want to shoot at you and that sometimes you just have to go to Kevin Smith’s basement or kill a helicopter with a police car. It is not your fault. Bad things happen to good people and the only sane response is to have a selection of pithy lines prepared and be willing to kick some ass or arse (depending on local preference).

5. USE “YIPPIE KI YAY, MOTHERFUCKER!” SPARINGLY 

”Yippie ki yay, motherfucker!”

While stockpiling a selection of puns related to the manner of death you’ve just dealt to an anonymous goon is important – thrown one into a pie factory mincer? Try: “Don’t you just hate the daily grind?” – McClanisms must be used sparingly.

The most important of these is, of course, the immortal “Yippie ki yay, motherfucker!”. It’s perfectly acceptable to scream if you’ve, for instance, just defeated Hans Gruber or downed a plane full of mercenaries who tried to kick the crap out of you.

Times when the phrase is not applicable or advisable include: handing a report to a senior manager, winning a game of Scrabble against a geriatric relative, feeling the urge to puncture a quiet moment during any form of ceremony, congratulating ballet dancers.

Expect more life lessons from John McClane as soon as Die Hard 5 aka A Good Day To Die Hard hits cinemas. In the mean time, yippie ki…um…thanks for reading.