We’re in that trough between Christmas and New Year when newspaper editorial teams wish desperately for the traditional celebrity death to fill pages. With Prince Philip stubbornly holding on and not much more to be made of his non-death in Norfolk, editors are resorting to desperate measures. 

The Telegraph’s tale of a lady finding Jesus in a sock is an impressive piece of fluff and one of the BBC’s women of the year is a panda but they are nothing compared to The Guardian’s editorial “In Praise Of…Jedward”. Hopefully bashed out by a hack tapping at the keyboard with the last of the sherry in their other hand, it’s 256 words of sneering at Ireland wrapped up in a sweet crispy shell of ironic love for the big-haired irritants. 

Using the ire that Jedward’s very existence can generate to power the comments section into overdrive is a pretty obvious move. The real issue is that the Irish public is the punchline in The Guardian’s joke and not the Brothers Grimes. It’s a patronising pat on the head for Ireland, which clearly must rely on the twins as its only source of solace. 

“While the rest of Ireland is collectively bent over all bowed and cowed due to the seemingly never-ending recession, at least Jedward are still keeping their heads and their hair high.” 

Yes, all of Ireland has given up and we’re shuffling around like extras in Angela’s Ashes throwing plaintive looks in the direction of the glittery valhalla that is Jedwardville. How we all wish we could receive a free frontal lobotomy from the health service and derive endless hours of joy from peering at our reflections in spoons. 

Jedward aren’t to blame though. It’s unfair to get angry with creatures capable of such limited brain function. It’s as pointless as lecturing a sea anemone about coastal erosion or expecting a decent debate about the euro crisis from a basset hound. I’m glad Jedward are happy and able to make a living with the lack of talent bestowed upon them. 

What does make me sad and more than a little bit angry though is that The Guardian published such an unfunny editorial and one that so fundamentally misunderstands the details of the european economic meltdown. Irish politicians encouraged the country to spend like a drunken football pools winner and now the Germany is the nation’s friendly neighbourhood loan shark. Isn’t it hilarious? Crying can sound a lot like laughing. 

I just have to go and listen to this to cheer myself up. That’s how it works right?